Gray Matters — Apocalypse now?

By Tanya Mitchell | Dec 28, 2012
Source: File image

Belfast — I'm so glad to see everyone after Dec. 21, as it was supposed to be the end of the world.

I was very happy to wake up on the morning of Dec. 22 and see that everything was just as I had left it when I went to sleep on what had been billed as the final day of human existence. That said, I must admit there were a few reasons for me to be disappointed at the sight of the rising sun Saturday morning.

First off, I came to the conclusion that since we all survived the apocalypse, I then had to go out and complete ALL of my Christmas shopping in the two days that followed. I had hoped I could save myself from the one part of the holiday season I like the least, but there went that plan (such as it was).

And that got me thinking I should probably come up with a better plan for next year, seeing how there is no looming threat of extinction for me to use as an excuse to procrastinate.

And then, oh great, I start in with another holiday-season-related activity that I've found to be largely useless — making New Year's resolutions.

I start thinking to myself, "I'll avoid this whole mess if I start my Christmas shopping in August."

True, the problem is, I made that same resolution last year. See where it got me? I'll tell you — battling my way through a Target store two days before Christmas, armed only with the meat shield that which was my best friend and the Light Saber I wrangled for my son from the rapidly emptying shelves.

Resolutions, as a rule, have not really been my thing. I've been trying to write a book for the last 10 years, I have yet to give up beer and still struggle with my identity as a recovering non-smoker (Yeah, I quit quitting last year).

Oh, what a cluster.

But being the look-for-the-silver-lining type of girl I tend to be, I decided what's done is done, we're still here and I should try to come up with some positives about the fact that the world is still here.

The first and most obvious being we all escaped our demise.

And you know, maybe now I can find answers to such burning questions as, which really did come first, the chicken or the egg? Why do all the days of the week end in "y", why do people say 'heads up' when you should duck and of course, how indeed does one get to Sesame Street?

Maybe not the most pressing matters for mankind to concerns itself with, but certainly stuff I'd be interested in knowing (this coming from the same lady who enjoys such fun factoids as rhythm is the longest English word without a vowel).

And while we're on the subject, the word “queue” is the only word in the English language that is still pronounced the same way when the last four letters are removed. Sorry, I'm a word geek.

And there's another positive about all of us surviving the end of the world — I will most likely live long enough to write another one of these columns, and you will likely be around to read it and hopefully share a few more chuckles with me.

 

 

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